Monday 17 March 2014

The Wedding/Reflection.

A month in. MARRIED. T & B. Today though, I want to reflect a bit on that ever-important day, the day when we became husband and wife officially.

Our wedding was completely wonderful. The days surrounding it (and the day of) were a lesson in grace and gratitude.

Because it is such a monumental day, one wonders how it will feel, cultural stereotypes playing in, as well as your own expectations and anticipation. I mostly thought about how I would feel, walking down the aisle, saying my vows, posing for pictures. Would I be nervous, excited?

But, what I could not imagine, even the tiniest bit, was how it would feel to have the love and the joy of your most loved people beaming at you at a million megawatts an hour. The tangibility of that love and support buoys you up way past cloud 9. When I look back our wedding day, always, I will remember how that felt. And that is gift we carry with us every day. Ok. Mush break.

This post is filled with pictures from our friends - the day through their eyes.

Newly marrieds at the reception. Photo by Jordan Todd. Thanks J Todd! We love you!

Photo by Tessa Suderman - documentaire extraordinaire - during outdoor photos.
4 of my 5 stunning bridesmaids, captured in color by Meg.

How could anyone be a bridezilla when they have such wonderful families welcoming you in and friends all around with the sole aim of helping you feel non-stressed, rested, on top of things, and happy? I know how incredible my friends are, but I hit the jackpot with Tim's immediate and extended family. Roths and Hunkas and all other names that make up the clan - it was so wonderful to meet those of you who could join us on the day! I can't wait for years of getting to know you all - between wine glasses clinking, Christmas gift exchanges, long meals and exotic locations...like Delta, BC. 

During our honeymoon in Costa Rica, I took some time away from drinking in the beautiful views and margaritas to write down what I remembered from February 15. From my moleskin (abridged):

"On Saturday, Tim and I got married. Unlike the weeks leading up to it, the day dawned with the promise of the previous day - bright, blue sky and temperate for February in SK. As I had hoped, the planning and stress melted away...

Nerves didn't come, even as the girls and I finished getting ready and we got to the church. I walked down the aisle confident, sure and ready. Though the day went by fast, I remember it - I was there. I remember seeing Kendra & Em & Chad & Charmaine & the kids as I began to walk down the aisle. But, as I turned my attention to Tim, all the smiling faces looking back at me blended into one joyous mass. Though I felt a lot of emotion, for once it was contained to a glisten and I reached the front of the cathedral free of a drenched dress. Light, my forever friend, did not desert me and the church was filled with golden light - haloing Tim's blond hair and bathing my face with warmth as we spoke our vows to each other...

James was wonderful, and after doing some shots at the church, we headed out to the windy and considerably colder open prairie. Unsheltered by the city - the cold shocked us all and so did the depth of the snow as half the bridal party and James spectacularly biffed it (camera and all). We got to the hall early to take some inside shots and it was perfect. People filled the loft as we finished and began to mix and mingle, beers in hand. The food was even better than at the tasting, and our vision of a great dinner party came to fruition." 

Black and white photos by the woman who made me want to pick up film, Meg Kroeker.

Our cake by the brilliant Sherry Sawatsky of Sliced Decadence.

Table Settings. My favorite author, my favorite table card by Beth Freeman, artist. MOH.

Where our beauty comes from. Parents!

T &B.

In recent years, I have observed a change take place in my friends who get married. One I couldn't put into words, but without exception, religious or not, post marriage there was something altered in their relationship. A solidity somehow, a confidence. A peace. Now, being on the other side of that commitment, I feel a change as well. Though I felt and believed myself to be completely committed to Tim before, something does change when that declaration is made before others and to the other person. I don't necessarily think my commitment level is different, but I believe that in marriage, in those promises, something sacred takes place, even though it is also a legal contract and act. Something that can eclipse any vision of balls and chains. 

This is the magic of marriage, the offering of yourself to another, to think both less and more of yourself than you always have. Less, in that your selfish dial can now be cranked down to low and that your capacity for generosity can be dialed up. And more, that you can be better version of yourself and that you can believe that you are worth this person's love and their commitment. More, that you have the support of another, always. Your back is had, so go ahead and be great...and not-so-great too. They'll still be there.

I loved the exhortation that Reverend Scott gave us at the wedding...he encouraged us "have a big house", one big enough to hold all who come for food, encouragement and counsel, out of grief or joy, or just for a couple hours. To allow our marriage and union to MAKE OUR HEARTS BIGGER - two hearts that join, able to love more and better. What brilliant advice. 

I am so thankful to have found my person. I am so thankful to have found Tim Roth.  Tim, I love you. I am so thankful and proud to be your wife. 

Last, but certainly not least, Tessa made a video of the wedding! Click to watch below.

ROTHTHEPARTY video by Tessa Suderman, click here.